The closer you get to light, the larger your shadow becomes…

What’s in your shadow?

The most disgusting part I think about is many around us are not ready to bend and to change the, very few, better, traits in them. This is your dark side, the part of yourself that you are ashamed of or embarrassed about and you aren’t ready to show off. But why not to your dear ones???

It is fear, judgment, perfectionism, control, resentment, regret, guilt and greed. Each of these is part of you and part of me. The reason I recognize these traits in others is because I have them in me. Instead of denying your shadow side, you can become grateful for it because it allows you to heal and grow ‘you’.

Until you do this work, you will not recognize that you are projecting your issues onto others. Shadow work is very rewarding; but it is also difficult because when we do it we feel we are giving up or losing something.

Our ego resists shadow work. Some say that we spend the first 21 years of our life carrying a bag over our shoulder and any time we don’t like a certain aspect of ourselves, we put it in the bag instead of looking at it, owning and examining it. Instead we deny, resist and forget that it is even there, that is until we see it in another person.

Anytime you are upset, irritated or at wit’s end with someone else, it is really about you. It is about what you carry in your bag. You are never finished with this work.  In order to live, you must continue to take your shadow parts out of the bag and examine them. That is the only way you grow.

Due to our strong egos, we often have a difficult time doing this. The picture that comes to mind for me is when I was three years old. My mother has me by the hand and wants to move forward. The tighter she holds my hand, the more I pull down and resist with all my weight. Just as when I was three, sometimes I don’t want to move forward. I don’t want to see what I need to change in order to grow and move on to higher ground. That little three-year-old child screams, “No,” very loudly and holds back out of fear. That is, until I can’t stand it anymore.

At this point I have a choice to stay miserable in a relationship or do my own work. The weakest part of a ‘relation’ is that you are half part and the other end shares the other half. The good things, the bad things; only half things are in your hand. Much also depends on other person…

You can take a personal inventory. Be loving and compassionate with yourself. With honesty you will be able to recognize your patterns.

When I am honest I recognize that the control, negativity and anger I notice in others are about the control, anger and negativity that I feel or have felt. I recognize it because my own past experiences with a severe case of anger mania, controlitis, and negativity syndrome. In other words the person or situation upsetting me is actually mirroring what I need to heal in myself.

I have a very loud voice and I am straight forward. I feel ashamed and embarrassed about it many times, but not every time. I do treat this as my ‘strength’. Some years back I was told by a friend of mine that being straightforward is not your mistake actually, it’s your inner self. They are the genes in you, the culprit. I can’t tell you how human I felt. He was the first person to validate me by telling me said it wasn’t my fault.

Once I accepted this about myself it was no longer an issue. Someone can tell me to calm down or to lower my voice and it doesn’t push my buttons. I know I will take over my genes. I have that determination and that guts to change the inner self of me.

One of the rewards of healing your shadow part is one has the opportunity to turn your greatest faults into your greatest gifts.

My voice makes me a very strong professional speaker. I am often complimented by many but tt is still sometimes hard to control especially when I’m excited.

 We all have a shadow side. No one is immune. It is how you survived your difficult childhood. Shadow work is enlightening.

If you spot it you got it…

Wish you  a Happy and successful  shadowing…

 

Changing Seasons

As we endeavor to find personal fulfillment and realize our individual ideals, we naturally form emotional attachments to those outcomes we hope will come to pass. These expectations can serve as a source of stability and encouragement, allowing us to draft plans based on our visions of the future, but they can also limit our potential for happiness by blinding us to equally satisfying yet unexpected outcomes. Instead of taking pleasure in the surprising circumstances unfolding around us, we mourn for the anticipation left unfulfilled. When we think of letting go of our expectations, we may find ourselves at the mercy of a small inner voice that discourages us to strive for specific goals, even if they continually escape us. However, the opposite of expectation is not pessimism. We can retain our optimism and free ourselves from the need to focus on specific probabilities by opening our hearts and minds to a wide variety of possible outcomes.

When we expect a situation, event, or confrontation to unfold in a certain way, it becomes more difficult to enjoy the surprises that have the potential to become fundamental blessings. Likewise, we may feel that we failed to meet our inner objectives because we were unable to bring about the desired results through our choices and actions. Consider, though, that we are all at the mercy of the universal flow, and our best intentions are often thwarted by fate, destiny or life, whatever. As you grow increasingly open to unforeseen outcomes, you will be more appropriate to look for and recognize the positive elements of your new circumstances. This receptivity to the unexpected can serve you well when you are called upon to compromise with others, your life plans seem to go cockeyed or the world moves forward in an unanticipated manner by granting you the flexibility to see the positive aspects of almost any outcome.

The further you distance yourself from your expectations, the livelier your life will become. Though a situation in which you find yourself may not correspond to your initial wants, needs, or goals, ask yourself how you can make the most of it and then do your best to adapt. Your life’s journey will likely take many unpredicted and astonishing twists because you are willing to release your primal expectations.

Considerate enough...

Majority of issues in your life happen because of one thing: not being considerate of others. Many friends can have their own logic, but they will not be considerate of others. Such people may not realize that, or they may hide such a trait under different unrelated ideas in order to not look bad, like “being strong“, or “not caring about opposition“, or “not being affected by things easily” or something similar. All such things do exist, but not in the world of inconsiderate people; inconsiderate people simply use such words to hide their inconsiderate and selfish nature.

Many people are simply inconsiderate of others. The more you are considerate of others, the more you realize how someone else may be taking advantage of you since you can easily realize the situations when being considerate of others can happen only when someone else is unfairly wanting everything and not being considerate of you on purpose.

I am not getting the solution...not being considerate about others so that we will be unable to realize that they are serving their purpose? If yes, will it stop them from acting inconsiderate or merely lessen our problems??

This too shall pass…

Recently, I experienced one of my dark periods. I call them that because they’re those which hit-rock-bottom emotional moments when everything seems dark and depressed.

In these moods, nothing seems good; everything seems wrong. There are so many problems swirling around in your brain that you can’t focus on any of them. And the problems which aren’t really a problem also stand before us like something very messed up.  You feel like a complete failure, that everything you have touched has turned to pieces. That life is just one big struggle. And you’re losing.

They say these moments happen most often at life transition or reinvention points. All of these moments involve big change and change rewrites our mental maps. It forces us off familiar or well defined paths, so we get lost sometimes. That’s often confusing and depressing.

Now, I’m a creative personality, but I haven’t reinvented such in my life, so I am seeing this thing as pretty difficult. Negative thoughts and half understood problems swirl around in your head like wind-driven snow, control the process, they take control of ‘me’. But, I will reinvent myself. I surely will!

In the midst of our pursuits in life, we experience many simple happy moments as well as wonderful life affirming events like births, graduations and marriages. And at other times, certain events frustrate and challenge us. We seem to have little or no control over them. Despite adopting a ‘positive thinking’ attitude, we are faced regularly with minor problems like traffic or surly people. Less frequently, we find ourselves shaken by traumatic events like death, sickness or accidents or problems in inter personal relations that rock the foundation of our existence. It happens to every human being. No one is exempt from life’s polarities. In our life, we encounter happy or sad moments daily. When it happens we get swept away by the moment, feeling elated, angry, sad or overwhelmed and we lose our sense of balance or inner equilibrium.

The right approach at this transient time would be to maintain our balance, accept and learn from the moment, take it in our pace while remaining detached. Become an observer instead of being a victim of circumstances – remember this moment too shall pass.

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Numb System or numb citizens

INDIA’S march after independence is a success story. What helped India, a country of billion plus with hundreds of cultures, to evolve as a nation is its democratic culture? To want perfection is innate to human nature, but no human effort has ever been perfect, at least not till date.

Pundits believe: The ills of democracy will be taken care of by more democracy alone. Empirical evidence suggests differently.

Has the quality of leadership improved or declined? Who have replaced (or aspire to) replace Nehru, Patel, Shastri and Vajpayee —Shibu Soren, and Amar Singh and Sharad Pawar? Will Nehru not be a restless soul, seeing his descendent Varun Gandhi speaking like a religious bigot?

Today over half of India is literate, fast developing and politically empowered, but why is the society as a whole consistently on the decline, and value systems crumbling? Why has Indian society over the years become corrupt — morally and materially? Where is public integrity for which Mother India was known for decades? Corrupt and criminal politicians have occupied the higher positions of the society. It is said that “nearly 25 per cent of Lok Sabha MPs had criminal cases against them”.

Eventually, with the passing of stringent laws, and the strict attitude of courts or the Indian Law, it is expected that the participation by criminal elements may eventually come down. But the same cannot be said about corrupt politicians and tolerance for corruption has grown.

To state some happenings, in June 2006 Kashmir was rocked by a sex scandal involving top politicians and bureaucrats. Though the trial is going on, the accused were gradually released on bail. In early 2007, Shoaib Lone, MLA from Sangrama, created a sudden outburst in the Assembly by alleging corruption against state Congress president and senior minister Peerzada Mohammed Syed. The MLA alleged he had paid Rs 40,000 to the minister in place of a favour for an educational institution managed by his sister. The National Conference had stalled proceedings for many days. The minister had to resign. During the 2008 Assembly elections two Congress candidates and sitting MLAs Peerzada and Mir were each surprisingly able to secure a fresh mandate. When voters were asked why they voted for the tainted and blackly candidates, the reply was revealing: Corruption and sex allegations are issues for the chattering and talkative classes in Srinagar; what matters for us is the availability of our MLAs. Peerzada Syed went on to become minister as the Congress nominee in the coalition. And guess what, he had his old portfolio back: minister of school education. All is known about our honorable Agriculture Minister Sharad Pawar and he is still honorable. There is a long list of names in the Telgi matter, where is the list, where are the names, where are those top shots?

Reports of crimes by politicians appear frequently and Kashmir’s politicians do not lag behind.

But people have become used to politicians’ moral and ethical degradation. That is why parties chose candidates on caste, religious and regional considerations. Politicians purchase citizens, the Indian Citizen, to get elected. Winnability, accessibility, effectiveness or properness — these are not issues; everybody just wants a share in the booty

Earlier it was thought that elections at the grassroots would broaden the net of democracy and help able leadership emerge. Instead, democratization of corruption has happened. Earlier MPs and MLAs were partners in crime; now representatives of local bodies also demand their share of the loot.

Everybody is aware of the continually annoying political system. But the question remains, where this is going to lead and is this failure of the system or of the self? Is there any hope left? The situation has gone from bad to worse. Numbness has crept in and the ‘feel-bad’ factor against social evils is missing. Can things improve? This is the question for ‘social scientists’. And then comes the question, where are they???

The value of a thing is known, only when it is lost...

                              

Society respects such people who cherish personal values and practice it, contrary to the opinion, that life is comfortable when you compromise and sacrifice your values for others. You cannot forgo everything for others happiness. A part of yourself at the least must be kept happy and contented.

I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself. I guessed life was like that. You gained and you lost, and if you saved anything from the ruins, even if only a shred of self-respect, it was enough to take you through the next bit.

So we say that - "Self-respect is the root of discipline: The sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself.

Man cannot do away with ‘Self-Respect.’ Out of the foremost personal values, ‘Self Respect’ comes first. Self-confidence is of great importance without which nothing in this world becomes accessible but I personally feel that self-confidence is a successor of self-respect.

Man loses his self-identity when he loses his self-respect and voluntarily subjects himself to a life of willful submission. The mind is taken over by the alien forces in full control.

Even slavery does not spare him the comfort that he deserves and finally, he becomes programmed like a robot, unaware that he is controlled and monitored. Even under dreadful circumstances an individual must not give way to degradable attitude and must be prepared to relinquish any level of fortune.

A person who shows up limitations is matured and balanced. He need not make attempt to cure all the evils and fight all demons to clean the world. Instead if he succeeds in parts and in units he can be more nearer to being a perfect human being.

Self respect is so very important that it should not be sacrificed under any condition and circumstance. If you feel the impact of hurt, you must retaliate and stand up to your ideology and belief. Your conceived notions or any attitude must not be a hindrance to others. If you find joy in yourself you can best run it as long as you want it. Never over estimate others. They are ‘nothing’ in front when ‘you’ are controlled by yourself.

There is no way you can feel proud, by exercising your power over others, if they cannot publicly condemn you, at least their silence would demolish the false make up you seem to have. There is severe agony and sort of death if the wisdom is swallowed up by the black clouds of ignorance.

We need to be highly conscious of our greater self. Respect our own being and never look down nor denigrate ourselves. There can never be a holy identify than ourselves.

Humane values govern all life’s instances and circumstances, in whatever circumstances we are placed in life. To retain and nurture these elements would give us peace of mind in the worst of unpleasant incidents. To posses that blissful experience one needs to have sustained understanding and practice higher values. It could be difficult, but you would be better off than having accepted negative standing in life, and the burden of carrying the guilt which is overwhelming.

One must not sacrifice self respect and stoop low in order to take advantage in life. High moral values are associated to self and it cannot be a denigrated and rendered cheap. Neither the slaughterer nor the victim has any claim to be a reason to make suffer each other in order to satisfy or to be in an advantageous position.

If the job you hold becomes uninteresting, and scope for growth turns out to be volatile .Every day becomes unbearable and disenchanting, the best recourse is not to submit you to the situation endlessly, but take a firm stand. Whatever be the cause and effect. Search for alternatives and confidently go ahead living with your instincts. If we pursue what is best for us we invariably achieve our objectives.

Life do not permit us to live in peace beyond a certain point, if we stretch beyond boundaries it will engulf us. It is a question of timing, we need to be sensitively being aware when it hurts and seek solutions immediately. Time lived is time enjoyed, time unlived is time lost.

We alone are responsible to our lives, if there is what is called as destiny let it remain but to bury oneself thoughtlessly in the quagmire of self indifference is totally damaging to our own psychic.

Self respect is a measure of one’s own state of wellbeing, a certain concern for security and self protection, self-confidence and knowing what we are. If the boundaries cross limitations, this concern must ignite within and come to rescue on its own accord. Society greatly respects such a standing and individual, Setting standards and examples.

However wretched and discriminating is the human circumstance, a person of good courage to carry one will make it aware for others that the ridicule aimed at him is just superfluous and frivolous and does not hold any substance. This wonderful nature must prevail; it is the true health, wealth and happiness.

Every living creature on this planet is believed to be made of God’s own element, which can never be violated by anyone for any purpose or intend. The rich cannot holds way on the poor, nor can the poor threaten the rich. The equanimity and goodwill must create the right balances in life.

I love you

Lot of people suffer from the lack of belief in oneself due to the humiliation of others and trust breaking actions of others or rather being used as a stepping stones to gain confidence or trust of others. That prevents them from achieving their goals. It’s some sort of mental and emotional quagmire that holds them back. There’s a way to pull oneself out of that ditch and it all starts by putting value back to oneself and building up self-confidence.

Deal with your inferiority

Inferiority breeds because of one’s lack of belief in oneself. And you can’t claim that it’s something you’re born with. It’s more on the nurtured side of things where experiences like having a humiliating experience or a being bullied at school or having a personal defect, not one in my respect.

Because of these experiences, one tends to have low self-esteem and loses the will to be great. However, still, in that person’s mind rages the desire to make something great of oneself. These two clash together.

The trick here (and the most tricky part too) is to overcome the first dilemma. You have to go back to those memories and understand how they happened and what effects they’ve done to your life. You should convince yourself that no what other people said or thought about you, you’re your own person. Acknowledge your uniqueness and tell yourself that nothing makes you less human.

Set realistic goals

Once you start putting value back to yourself again, the next step is to make gain success to boost your morale and self-esteem up. However, don’t go overboard on your goals. Set small realistic ones that you can achieve. You don’t want to risk the effort of overcoming the first hump only to rush headstrong on a solid brick wall. So it’s a matter of winning small battles to eventually win the war. With each battle won, you’ll notice that your confidence grows too. Be a proud winner.

Build up discipline

The only way you can win those battles is through discipline. Pay attention to the smallest things and make a habit and routine out of things. However, don’t get trapped in the details too much that you miss out on your main objective.

Beef up on social skills

Now that you’re. It’s time to interact with people. Fostering natural relationships with people is what normal people do. If you always have thought that the world is against you and nobody likes you, think again. Maybe it’s just the childish environment of school that made people call you names. But as people mature, most wise up. In fact, most people are friendly. Try smiling casually at people that you meet on the subway or on the street. You’ll be surprised at how most will throw back a smile at you.

And hey, the wheel will turn for sure. Its destiny, everything pays off, the good, the bad; the false, the true!

As I’ve written, the hardest part here is the first one - overcoming insecurities and the feeling and thought of being inferior. Just learn to love yourself and everything will fall into place.

Love you Gurudatta!

HOW BADLY DO YOU WANT IT?

Lots of people have dreams. Things they really want to do. But they talk themselves out of those dreams. It’s easy to do. It’s a lot harder to stick to those dreams. A hell of a lot harder. But then as they say, big risk, big reward. Putting your heart out there to get your dream is a tough thing to do. It can be painful too. But, the payoff is so much better than safely sitting and saying, “This may not be at our reach!”

Come on! Get out there; put your heart on your sleeve. Risk it all. “But what if we fail?” the little voice in the back of your mind whispers. Pick yourself back up and do it all over again. Pull yourself up and bow before the ones and congratulate them who got there. It was a tough road for them too. Putting yourself out there is tough stuff. Learn, Act.

What are we here for?? To relish in the highs and lows of life! Get busy. Follow that dream. Your agenda, your dream, should never come down even though you are to face any lows in life. These lows provoke us and provide us with the necessary incitation to follow the path towards our dream, provided the road ends towards our dream. Rather, the dream hasn’t relocated.

Many might notice, as I have, that our dreams tie into one another. Just as you wouldn’t expect to win the lottery without buying a ticket, don’t expect your dreams to come true without any prior momentum. Imagine a flight of stairs with your dream hovering at the top; each step will require some effort of you.

Following your dream is hard hard work. But then what’s the alternative? Not to Dream?

Na…You can do it. It’s about the distinction between your ‘wants’ and your ‘needs’!

It’s all about the grace of this question, “How badly do you want it”?

Overwhelmed…

Two, three big dreams may still feel like a lot to be focusing on at once, particularly if you have found that yours don’t tie in together quite as neatly as mine. If that’s the case there is a further method for breaking them down. Think about how you will feel when you have achieved each dream individually, really think about it, and then beside each dream mark a score out of ten, with ten being ultimate glee and one being a sense of nothingness. Which ones score highest? Did any get a ten? Then I think it’s pretty obvious that that’s where your focus should sit! Work out the steps you need to take for that dream and focus on those first.

SHOUT…

Dreams are rarely yours and yours alone, there are often people close to you that will be affected, others who can be of help and most vitally those you need to get saying ‘Yes!’ When you’ve reached success you’re not going to keep quiet about it, are you? No, and nobody around you will either. Your name will be splashed around all over the place, so why not start some splashing now? Make waves even. The more people that are aware of your dream, the more chance you have of achieving it. Why? Because people name-drop, they network, they pass your information on, they offer up your services, they are a vital tool in you moving ahead with your dream. So, tell your family, tell your friends, enemies, taxi drivers, etc– tell the world! Think of the people around you as your unofficial PR team.

The key to the successful seeing-out of dreams is stamina. You need to keep that well of inspiration watered, and to do this you need to be aware of your successes.

So, how badly do you want it?